Foreboding Fromagerie: The Cheese Vault, Moon Portal, and More

 The OSR Discord Server is making a Community Cheese Dungeon for the GLOG.

These Are My Entries

The Cheese Vault (Room #6)

    This hexagonal room is roughly 50' across and is secured by heavy iron doors. These iron doors are locked by white slits that sit on the outside frame of the door, they will open when the matching Keese (white) is placed within it. They cannot be opened from the inside. Also connected to this room is an ancient vent, seated in the ceiling and covered by a very rusty grate.

    This room contains a wide variety of rare and strange cheese that The Wizard wanted to hold onto. The walls are lined with stone pedestals holding crystal cloches, locked down with more colored slits, with the wondrous cheeses below them. Each cloche is labeled with a small note, scribbled in faint handwriting, that lists the name of the cheese (bold text in the description)

The Western Wall

• The first cloche is locked by purple slits and contains 1d8 bites of FireCheddar. Taking a bite out of this block of cheddar causes 1d4 fire damage, but allows the eater to breathe a 15' cone of fire once within the next 8 hours. The cone of fire deals 4d8 damage.
• The second cloche is locked by blue slits and contains a Platter of Many Cheeses. The platter contains 1d12 bite-sized cubes of various magical cheeses, Roll 1d6+1d8 below for each bite.

1. The Universe implodes in Deliciousness. All is Cheese.
2. Tastes like Plastic. Turn into a lifeless statue of inedible yellow cheese that no one likes.
3. Holey. Gain tons of strange holes all over your body. any mundane attack that hits you has a 1 in 6 chance of passing through you, causing no harm.
4. Smelly and Delicious. You now strongly smell of delicious cheese, all creatures within 30' automatically detect you and you have a higher likelihood of drawing creatures in random encounter rolls.
5. Soft and Spreadable. Your body becomes smooth and squishy, gain the ability to squeeze through spaces as small as 1". Shrink down to the space of a 2'x2' box if fully liquid.
6. Nutty. Gain an Insanity
7. Spicy. You gain the ability to cough a small bolt of fire once per day, dealing 3d4 damage on hit. Your nose constantly smokes.
8. Sour. Your lips begin to pucker up so quickly and painfully that it threatens to destroy your very existence. Make a con save or pucker yourself into another dimension.
9. Sweet. Gain a level.
10. Smokey. Every time you perform any particularly exhausting activity, roll a con save or spend the next 1d4 minutes coughing up smoke.
11. Maggoty. A small swarm of flies will burst out of your skin in 1d4 days. You can control them as Mage Hand. 
12. Winey. You are now permanently intoxicated.
13. Rich. 1d20 days after eating this cheese, you will defecate a diamond worth 500 GP.
14. Complex. Roll Twice, and take both effects. Ignore this roll if it comes up again.

• The third and final cloche along the left wall is locked by green slits and contains a small sack of 1d20 Treasure Cheese, they appear as coins made of various cheese. After eating one, it turns into 1d100 gold coins in your gut. Roll a con save to puke them up. If it generates more than 50 coins, take 1 damage for every two coins.

The Eastern Wall

• The first cloche is locked by yellow slits and contains 1d4 Maxirella Balls. Appearing as small balls of white soft cheese. If a liquid such as a potion or poison is poured onto one of these balls, it will maximize the effects when the cheese ball is eaten. If a ball is eaten raw, it will extend any temporary magical effect that is currently affecting the eater by a day.
• The second cloche contains 1d8 small white rats and is locked by orange slits. The wizard keeps them here because he finds them amusing. They keep themselves fed with a small piece of cheese in the back of their cloche. This cheese magically regenerates every night at midnight, assuming it is not entirely eaten. The rats are trained not to finish it off.
• The third and final cloche is locked by red slits contains 1d4 B-Side Brie Balls. Appearing as small balls of black soft cheese. If a liquid such as a potion or poison is poured onto one of these balls, it will invert or otherwise corrupt the original effect when the ball is eaten. If a ball is eaten raw, it will irreversibly corrupt some aspect of the eater.

The Northern Wall

    The Back Wall contains only one cloche. The Mother Cheese. The Mother Cheese squirms and pulses underneath its cloche, locked by black slits. This Keese Card is held by the wizard and if unlocked, the Mother Cheese will pounce on the nearest adventurer. 

    If an adventurer touches The Mother Cheese, they will irreversibly turn into cheese and absorb The Mother Cheese, it will not naturally be seen for centuries longer. This effect repeats on anyone who attempts to eat the poor Cheese-Touched adventurer. Their skin will bubble into a patchwork of every cheese they have ever eaten and the transformation will be complete. If the adventurer rolls a successful magic save, they will retain their mobility, sentience, and all other aspects of living (minus being made out of cheese) and gain a level of The Cheesen One class, detailed below.

The Cheesen One

Deepen: Gain 10 XP for every unique cheese eaten.

Cure: Incurable. Eat yourself to death.

A: Cheese-Touched, Cheese-Munity

B: Cheese-Mutation

C: Cheese-Bringer

Cheese-Touched: You have been turned into the Cheese-Champion of the Cheese-Goddess. Everything (non-cheese) you touch is cursed to turn into a random type of cheese you have eaten. If an object is sufficiently large enough not to be completely turned, then it extends out to 1'. You can no longer eat anything but cheese, wear functional armor (that isn't made out of cheese), use any items or weapons (that are not cheese), or ever touch anything that is not immediately cheesed. If you touch someone, they take 1d4+Level damage as part of them turns to cheese.

Cheese-Munity: You are immune to Cheese-Harm, whether magic, poisonous, or mundane. Cheese-Boons still apply.

Cheese-Mutation: You now have control over what kind of cheeses you turn things into, it is still limited to cheeses you have previously eaten. This means, among other things, that you can use items, armor, and weapons, assuming you have eaten a cheese that can mimic their intended properties (hardness, flexibility, etc.)

Cheese-Bringer: You can spread your Cheese-Mutation effect at a rate of 1' per second, you no longer need to touch something to transmute it, your damage when touching someone becomes a save or die effect. No one can stop you now.

Keese Cards and Their Locations

Keese Cards are slim pieces of extremely hard cheese that use each piece's unique hole pattern as a key card to unlock various parts of The Cheese Vault.

• Three White Keese Cards exist, One exists in Room #2 and roll 2d20 and assign by room number to discover the other two current locations.
• Black Keese Card is held onto by the Wizard.
• Red Keese Card is underneath the detritus in Room 47a.
• Blue Keese Card on display in room 48, held by Bechamel.
• Yellow Keese Card is also held in Room #2.
• Orange Keese Card is held in Room #34.
• Green Keese Card is held inside the Stinking Bishop Statue in Room #5.
• Purple Keese Card is held in Room #23.

The Moon Portal (Room #38)

    The Entrance to this 40'x30' rectangular room is blocked off by a solid obelisk of basalt. The outside of the basalt faces the hallway and is inscribed as such

    "This place is not a place of honor... no highly esteemed deed is commemorated here... nothing valued is here. What is here was dangerous and repulsive to us. This message is a warning about danger."

    Removing this basalt block takes 4 hours, (halved for each consecutively successful strength check when making the action). Removing the block is loud and messy, it automatically triggers random encounters every 30 minutes. Goblins that witness people messing with the door will stay away in fear. Cheese Imps that witness people messing with the door will watch from the shadows, accumulating until the door is free and open at which point they attack and claim the room as their own. 

    Behind the Basalt Block is a heavy iron door, it is unlocked.

    The room appears to be covered in various metal grates and switches.

The Western Wall

    In the center of this wall is a small indent about the size of a golf ball. It is meant to hold the ruby from room #27, none of the switches in this room work while it is not inserted.

    Below, on the floor, there is a small pile of Moon Cheese Rocks. Moon Cheese is wet, cold, hard, and overall disgusting. This is one of the reasons why cheese imps crave to conquer this land, for it has delicious cheese.

The Northern Wall

    In the center of this wall, there is a hollow arch. This is where the Moon Portal will appear.

The Southern Wall

    This wall holds all of the main switches for this room. There are two levers, a wheel, a big red button, a little green button, and a knob. This room has not been used in centuries and things are on the verge of a breakdown, every time something is pressed or flipped, it has a 1 in 6 chance to break and be unable to be used again. 

    The First Lever: The first lever locks the door when flipped either direction, cannot unlock it. This lever will be stuck if the door is open

    The Second Lever: The second lever starts down, when it is flipped up, a door in the ceiling opens up, dropping 1d4 airtight suits on the ground.

        Airtight Suits: Wearing these suits gives +1 defense and protects against airborne threats as well as providing its own magical supply of air. They are rendered unusable when the user takes any damage.

    The First Wheel: The first wheel controls the air in the room, it is currently turned all the way to the left, turning it to the right begins to drain the air out of the room.

    The Big Red Button: This opens the Moon Portal. Resolve Below

• If the air is not drained: Explosive decompression. Roll a strength save or be sucked through the portal, roll a dexterity save for every loose object, or take 1 damage per failure.
• If the door to the hall is unlocked: The door is ripped off and the portal attempts to consume all. There is a 3 in 6 chance that the door blocks the portal entirely and gets stuck there.
• If the occupants are not wearing airtight suits or their suits have been punctured from taking any damage: Lungs collapse and blood boils, For every round exposed take 2 vacuum damage, once this damage exceeds Con roll a save every round or die.
• After everything above is resolved: The Moon Portal is open and the party can travel to Room #25 (The Moon)

    The Little Green Button: This button resets the last thing to be flipped or pressed. Press it multiple times to undo more.

    The Knob: Does Nothing.

The Oil Pumps (Room #26)

    This 30' by 20' rectangular room is mostly dominated by the large pool of boiling hot oil in the center of it, there are 2d10 Cheese Imps here that will shriek and attempt to scare off anyone they see, but will otherwise not leave the room. The door to Room #24 from this room is a huge iron door, heavily barricaded and locked.

The Iron Door

    This heavy iron door is not only barricaded with various pieces of gross rotting furniture and cheese, but it is locked by three thick padlocks barring the handle. The first key is located on a random cheese imp in this room. The second key was dropped by an imp in Room #27, it is now sitting in some of the scalding oil on the edge of the room. The third key is lost, roll 2d20+1d10 to discover its new room location.

The Oil Pool

    This shallow 15' wide pool of boiling oil covers the center of the room. For each round in contact, take 1d4 fire damage. On the floor of the center of this pool (it is about 1' deep in the very center) is a large pipe with a wheel that can be turned to control the flow of oil like so;

• Three turns right: The oil is completely shut off, this disables the trap in room #27
• One turn left: The oil flows more freely, the room #27 trap is much more dangerous, and a shield will only lessen and not prevent injury
• Two turns left: extremely loud creaking noises are audible from the piping
• Three turns left: the oil line bursts from here to room #27, everything in the hallways and rooms from #26 to #27 is temporarily coated in hot oil and takes 2d20 damage immediately, dex save for half

    Obviously, this pump is very important to the imps, they would like to make the oil flow a bit better to their trap but the scalding oil prevents them. Thus, they settle for simply scaring off those who might shut off their trap.

The Imps

    The cheese imps in this room care only about one thing; protecting the pump. Should someone enter, they will do their best to scare them off; screaming, kicking, shrieking, chasing, etc. However, they will not leave this room, save to change their guard shifts (this happens once a day). 

The Golem Workshop (Room #7)

    This room is blocked off from the rest of the dungeon by a pair of heavy iron doors (for all entrances), fading red paint sits above the doors themselves, displaying "Golem Workshop". These doors are not locked however, they do require the strength of three people to open by hand. There is an indent in one of these doors (once for each pair) that allows for the insertion of a golem power core, if this is done then the door opens itself until the core is removed.

    Inside this room, there are many strange machines. The western wall displays three punching stations prominently, the eastern wall contains a large molding machine with various molds scattered on the ground. The northeastern corner contains a very large pile of moon cheese and many buckets of paint. A large safe rests in the southwestern corner.

The Western Wall

    Starting from the southern edge and working up, there are two small boxes, one of metal and one of paper. There are then three punching machines, each labeled respectively; Function, Target, and Location

• The Metal Box opens to a large cheese slicer, impossibly sharp. Sharp enough to slice a block of moon cheese into the proper thickness for a Keese Card
• The Paper Box contains 1d6 presliced, unpainted, and unpunched.
• The first punch station labeled "Function" has three possible punches to select from, each one labeled with a pictogram.
• One punch is labeled with a Sword will cause the golem to aggressively attack whoever the "Target" is
• One punch is labeled with a Shield will cause the golem to passively protect whoever the "Target" is
• The Final Punch for this machine is labeled with a wrench, this punch is used to tell the golem to use utility functions. The wizard normally uses magic to code in the specific utility function, and thus the actual command given will be whatever he used last (roll on the table at the bottom of the room)
• The second punch station, simply labeled "Target" has a single punch with a large funnel on the top of the machine. If someone drops in matter, it will code in their sequence as the target. The punch station is only limited to genetically sequencing human DNA, so any other genetic material dropped in is only tracked by species rather than the person, it can sequence all nonliving matter. If this punch is not used, then the card treats the target as "All"
• The third and final punch station labeled "Location" has a single punch with a keypad attached to the machine, entering a number or series of numbers will restrict the golem to those rooms, if this machine is not used on a keese card, then the golem defaults to following its "Creator". Note that characters wouldn't know the room numbers in character unless they stole the map from the wizard first. 

The Eastern Wall

    The entirety of this wall is taken up by a large machine composed of a cheese melter and a cheese molder. The Cheese Melter appears to be a gigantic furnace, hooked up to a funnel, directly above the molding station. Turning it on simply requires a flip of the large lever on the wall to the left of the machine.

    The Cheese Molder is used to create the golems out of the remaining Moon Cheese supply that the wizard brought back with him. there are a variety of large molds strewn about the room, each one can be put into the machine with ten minutes' effort. It requires a legs, arms, torso, and a head mold, if a golem is made with less or more than this hooked up then the golem will fail to turn on when the appropriate core and keese card is placed inside its head. A list of the possible molds laying around is found below, DM picks one of each limb, and rolls 1d12 four times for the remainder of what's scattered on the ground

    The molded body for a golem will feature a slot in its chest for the keese card and an indent in its neck for the power core. Powering it will close the card slot, if it is on without a card then it simply stands still with no order.

The Northeastern Corner

    This corner contains a pile of Moon Cheese Boulders, enough for 1d4 Full Golems. Underneath the large stack of moon cheese is 1d6 Golem Power Cores, only 1d2 of which are properly charged.

    Also over here are buckets of paint, including; white, black, red, blue, yellow, orange, green, purple, and brown. these were used for the various keesecards and golems around the dungeon.

The Southwestern Corner

    This corner contains a large locked safe. Using sheer strength alone it would take around 1d6 days to pummel this open without any special equipment. Magically it would take a 4 [dice] knock spell or a fireball spell to open it. Contained within is a single, highly magical, keese card and 1d6 Golem Power Cores, all of which are properly charged.

    This particular keese card is not meant for a door, but a golem mind. It contains a corrupted soul that the wizard caught for an experiment in making golems more intelligent and sentient. This soul has long since forgotten his old life, his very essence is focused on destroying the wizard now. He does not remember his old name, and both he and the wizard call him the "ArchnemeSwiss". He is of average human intelligence but does not care about anything except his revenge. He may ally with the players or attack the players depending on their relationship with the wizard. He can communicate telepathically, even when just in his card form, and will attempt to get the characters to put him into a golem body so that he may do even more.

A Note on Keese Cards and Power Cores

    All Power Cores that are properly charged can not only keep golems running for a long time, but they can be depleted in one burst of magical energy in order to provide an additional {Dice} to a spell. For every Power Core used, add an additional "Instability" die to the spell as well, this die functions for the purposes of Dooms and Mishaps, but not the power of the spell. This is in order to represent the inherent instability of the magic inside these cores.

    All Keese Cards, including the ones that unlock doors, function as golem control cards. This means that the door keese cards can theoretically be counterfeited if the players gain access to this room and the knowledge of what settings created what cards. See below for the true settings for the Door Cards. (Assuming the players attempt to counterfeit them or use the originals in a golem.)

    Repunching a keese card irreversibly corrupts it.

• White - Sword, All, Creator
• Black - Utility (Haul), Wizard, Room #6
• Red - Utility (Any), All, Room #3
• Blue - Shield, Goblin, Room #18
• Yellow - Utility (Any), All, Room #10
• Orange - Sword, Rat. Creator
• Purple - Sword, Dragon, Creator
• Green - Shield, Gold, Creator

What was the Wizard's last Utility Program? (1d6)

1. Haul, the golem will pick up the target and move them randomly about the dungeon.
2. Clean, the golem will relentlessly clean the target
3. Companionship, the golem will immediately return to the dining room (room #10) and begin pretending to eat (read as shoving cheese into its face and making a mess)
4. Corrupted Program: golem gains mock sentience as a wild beast, cannot speak, will immediately try to escape the dungeon.
5. Dig, the golem will dig out new dungeon space wherever the target commands it to
6. Worker Bot, the golem will be of a random job position listed in room #2 and #17

What Golem Molds are laying around? (1d12)

1. Caterpillar Tracks (Legs), golem moves at half speed but can ignore difficult terrain
2. Fins (Legs), the golem cannot move on land but can move at full speed in liquids
3. Spider (Legs), the golem can walk on walls and other vertical surfaces at half speed, twice as creepy looking.
4. Normal (Legs)
5. Drill (Arms), the golem can no longer pick stuff up but has a drill attack that does 1d10 damage
6. Cannon (Arms), the golem can no longer pick stuff up but can fire a cheese wheel cannon (determine randomly from room #18), must be reloaded manually as the golem cannot do so.
7. CheeseWeb (Arms) can fire a cheese web of melted moon cheese to restrain foes or grab items from afar, causes everything it touches to get super sticky and gross.
8. Shield (Arms), the golem can use its action to protect nearby creatures, redirecting any attack at them to itself.
9. Normal (Arms)
10. Hollow (Chest), has a hollow space to be filled up with various things such as loot or explosive cheese wheels, has -1 HD.
11. Normal (Chest)
12. Normal (Head)

The Goblin Gourmet (Room #9)

    This 30'x30' space is impeccably clean, despite the filth in every other part of the dungeon. Shiny marble countertops create a waist-high maze around the entire room, ovens and sinks dot the room with pipes weaving to and fro connecting heat and water alike. Two heavy-duty cabinets sit in the back along the northern wall. This room always contains 2d6 goblins of one of the two clans, they are non-hostile at first but will be very protective of the items contained within this room, as well as keeping it extremely clean. Even so much as dragging mud on the floor may draw their ire.

The Cabinets

    The two cabinets in the back are locked with thick iron padlocks, the keys to which are held by the goblin guards that stand in this room.

    The first cabinet contains a great many high-quality cooking utensils, such as;

• One Extremely Sharp Cleaver (As +1 Sword)
• One Extremely Strong Pan (As +1 Shield)
• 1d20 Shiny Knives (Worth 1 Silver each)
• 1d6 Plates of Fine China (Worth 1 Gold each intact, but very fragile and worthless if broken)
• One Goblin Recipe Book, filled with strange garbled text that no one can understand (Including the goblins). Rumored to contain rare and fantastical recipes created by The One True Chef, Goblin Ramesses The Twenty-Eighth, of the Country Basil, it has since been sullied, but could possibly be salvageable with the right Restoration Techniques.

    The second cabinet opens up into a small walk-in freezer containing;

• 1d10 Magic Sausage Links (Restore 1 HP when eaten)
• 1 Bottle of Mage Wine (Restores 1 MD per gulp, starts with 1d6 gulps remaining inside)
• 1d20 Chunks of Various Cheeses (All delicious, but nonmagical, valuable to the right people)
• Careful inspection of the bottom of this cabinet reveals a small box inset into the floor, containing a captured Ice Sprite, that functions much like the Fire Sprite talked about below

The Appliances

    Scattered in between the various countertops, the occasional oven and sink appear. All of which are readily functional and seem to have no bottom to their energy. 

    Following the pipes from the ovens will lead to a small box, inset in the floor of the northwest corner. This box is well secured and will take quite a while to break into (1 hour of average bashing). It contains a captured Fire Sprite, it will provide a constant source of mundane heat as its owner wishes. It can also purge all of its energy at once, as a fireball, killing itself. It must follow the owner's commands, though it will likely hate them. Setting it free will make it friendly.

    Following the pipes from the sinks will lead to another small box inset in the floor of the southwest corner. This box contains a captured Water Sprite, it functions much the same as the Fire Sprite above.

The Goblins

    Once a month, the two goblin clans put aside their differences and send their best chefs to this kitchen to work together to create a feast. This feast is used to placate the wizard (and hopefully keep him from eating them).

    The ingredients in the cabinet are given to them by the wizard, once a month. If the ingredients or the utensils are lost, then the goblins will be unable to cook their meal (and will face the wrath of the wizard). Needless to say, looting this room will paint a very big target on the looters' backs for the goblins. 

    In order to hopefully prevent theft, the goblin clans send a squad of goblin guards that rotates every day. Each patrol will only contain goblins of one clan and the clans' alternate their responsibility. The theft will not only increase tensions between the wizard and the goblins but could possibly start a goblin civil war if the other clan believes the guarding clan to have been at fault.

Bonus: 1d10 Dungeon Graffiti

(Feel free to scramble the spelling, the dungeon dwellers are not known for their literacy.)

1. Do you brie-lieve in magic?
2. Béchamel stole my cheese!
3. T̵͜͝h̡͢͏͜e͢͠͞͠ ̴̡̢̧C͟͞͏h̴҉҉e͜҉ę̸̨̨͢s̨̡̕e̶̢͘͢ ҉̴́͜i̡͞s͏͏ ̨͘͟͞A̕l̴̷̸̢̀i͠͞҉v̵̷̵̢ȩ̵
4. I hear the wizard read "50 Shades of Gruyere"
5. Soft cheese? More like... uhhh, bad cheese.
6. Hard cheese is for lards!
7. Friendly Reminder: DO NOT SOIL THE MILK!
8. Beware the Halloumi!
9. S͏k̨͝ḩ̴́'͏̶M̢o͏͞҉̀ŗ̷͜z͡͏̛ą̵̧͠ ̶̵̢̛̕H̵́͞͡u͠͡n̸̸͘͢͝g̶̀è͢͠͠ŗ͡s̴͡
10. Do Not Trust The Imps.