Foreboding Fromagerie: The Cheese Vault, Moon Portal, and More

 The OSR Discord Server is making a Community Cheese Dungeon for the GLOG.

These Are My Entries

The Cheese Vault (Room #6)

    This hexagonal room is roughly 50' across and is secured by heavy iron doors. These iron doors are locked by white slits that sit on the outside frame of the door, they will open when the matching Keese (white) is placed within it. They cannot be opened from the inside. Also connected to this room is an ancient vent, seated in the ceiling and covered by a very rusty grate.

    This room contains a wide variety of rare and strange cheese that The Wizard wanted to hold onto. The walls are lined with stone pedestals holding crystal cloches, locked down with more colored slits, with the wondrous cheeses below them. Each cloche is labeled with a small note, scribbled in faint handwriting, that lists the name of the cheese (bold text in the description)

The Western Wall

• The first cloche is locked by purple slits and contains 1d8 bites of FireCheddar. Taking a bite out of this block of cheddar causes 1d4 fire damage, but allows the eater to breathe a 15' cone of fire once within the next 8 hours. The cone of fire deals 4d8 damage.
• The second cloche is locked by blue slits and contains a Platter of Many Cheeses. The platter contains 1d12 bite-sized cubes of various magical cheeses, Roll 1d6+1d8 below for each bite.

1. The Universe implodes in Deliciousness. All is Cheese.
2. Tastes like Plastic. Turn into a lifeless statue of inedible yellow cheese that no one likes.
3. Holey. Gain tons of strange holes all over your body. any mundane attack that hits you has a 1 in 6 chance of passing through you, causing no harm.
4. Smelly and Delicious. You now strongly smell of delicious cheese, all creatures within 30' automatically detect you and you have a higher likelihood of drawing creatures in random encounter rolls.
5. Soft and Spreadable. Your body becomes smooth and squishy, gain the ability to squeeze through spaces as small as 1". Shrink down to the space of a 2'x2' box if fully liquid.
6. Nutty. Gain an Insanity
7. Spicy. You gain the ability to cough a small bolt of fire once per day, dealing 3d4 damage on hit. Your nose constantly smokes.
8. Sour. Your lips begin to pucker up so quickly and painfully that it threatens to destroy your very existence. Make a con save or pucker yourself into another dimension.
9. Sweet. Gain a level.
10. Smokey. Every time you perform any particularly exhausting activity, roll a con save or spend the next 1d4 minutes coughing up smoke.
11. Maggoty. A small swarm of flies will burst out of your skin in 1d4 days. You can control them as Mage Hand. 
12. Winey. You are now permanently intoxicated.
13. Rich. 1d20 days after eating this cheese, you will defecate a diamond worth 500 GP.
14. Complex. Roll Twice, and take both effects. Ignore this roll if it comes up again.

• The third and final cloche along the left wall is locked by green slits and contains a small sack of 1d20 Treasure Cheese, they appear as coins made of various cheese. After eating one, it turns into 1d100 gold coins in your gut. Roll a con save to puke them up. If it generates more than 50 coins, take 1 damage for every two coins.

The Eastern Wall

• The first cloche is locked by yellow slits and contains 1d4 Maxirella Balls. Appearing as small balls of white soft cheese. If a liquid such as a potion or poison is poured onto one of these balls, it will maximize the effects when the cheese ball is eaten. If a ball is eaten raw, it will extend any temporary magical effect that is currently affecting the eater by a day.
• The second cloche contains 1d8 small white rats and is locked by orange slits. The wizard keeps them here because he finds them amusing. They keep themselves fed with a small piece of cheese in the back of their cloche. This cheese magically regenerates every night at midnight, assuming it is not entirely eaten. The rats are trained not to finish it off.
• The third and final cloche is locked by red slits contains 1d4 B-Side Brie Balls. Appearing as small balls of black soft cheese. If a liquid such as a potion or poison is poured onto one of these balls, it will invert or otherwise corrupt the original effect when the ball is eaten. If a ball is eaten raw, it will irreversibly corrupt some aspect of the eater.

The Northern Wall

    The Back Wall contains only one cloche. The Mother Cheese. The Mother Cheese squirms and pulses underneath its cloche, locked by black slits. This Keese Card is held by the wizard and if unlocked, the Mother Cheese will pounce on the nearest adventurer. 

    If an adventurer touches The Mother Cheese, they will irreversibly turn into cheese and absorb The Mother Cheese, it will not naturally be seen for centuries longer. This effect repeats on anyone who attempts to eat the poor Cheese-Touched adventurer. Their skin will bubble into a patchwork of every cheese they have ever eaten and the transformation will be complete. If the adventurer rolls a successful magic save, they will retain their mobility, sentience, and all other aspects of living (minus being made out of cheese) and gain a level of The Cheesen One class, detailed below.

The Cheesen One

Deepen: Gain 10 XP for every unique cheese eaten.

Cure: Incurable. Eat yourself to death.

A: Cheese-Touched, Cheese-Munity

B: Cheese-Mutation

C: Cheese-Bringer

Cheese-Touched: You have been turned into the Cheese-Champion of the Cheese-Goddess. Everything (non-cheese) you touch is cursed to turn into a random type of cheese you have eaten. If an object is sufficiently large enough not to be completely turned, then it extends out to 1'. You can no longer eat anything but cheese, wear functional armor (that isn't made out of cheese), use any items or weapons (that are not cheese), or ever touch anything that is not immediately cheesed. If you touch someone, they take 1d4+Level damage as part of them turns to cheese.

Cheese-Munity: You are immune to Cheese-Harm, whether magic, poisonous, or mundane. Cheese-Boons still apply.

Cheese-Mutation: You now have control over what kind of cheeses you turn things into, it is still limited to cheeses you have previously eaten. This means, among other things, that you can use items, armor, and weapons, assuming you have eaten a cheese that can mimic their intended properties (hardness, flexibility, etc.)

Cheese-Bringer: You can spread your Cheese-Mutation effect at a rate of 1' per second, you no longer need to touch something to transmute it, your damage when touching someone becomes a save or die effect. No one can stop you now.

Keese Cards and Their Locations

Keese Cards are slim pieces of extremely hard cheese that use each piece's unique hole pattern as a key card to unlock various parts of The Cheese Vault.

• Three White Keese Cards exist, One exists in Room #2 and roll 2d20 and assign by room number to discover the other two current locations.
• Black Keese Card is held onto by the Wizard.
• Red Keese Card is underneath the detritus in Room 47a.
• Blue Keese Card on display in room 48, held by Bechamel.
• Yellow Keese Card is also held in Room #2.
• Orange Keese Card is held in Room #34.
• Green Keese Card is held inside the Stinking Bishop Statue in Room #5.
• Purple Keese Card is held in Room #23.

The Moon Portal (Room #38)

    The Entrance to this 40'x30' rectangular room is blocked off by a solid obelisk of basalt. The outside of the basalt faces the hallway and is inscribed as such

    "This place is not a place of honor... no highly esteemed deed is commemorated here... nothing valued is here. What is here was dangerous and repulsive to us. This message is a warning about danger."

    Removing this basalt block takes 4 hours, (halved for each consecutively successful strength check when making the action). Removing the block is loud and messy, it automatically triggers random encounters every 30 minutes. Goblins that witness people messing with the door will stay away in fear. Cheese Imps that witness people messing with the door will watch from the shadows, accumulating until the door is free and open at which point they attack and claim the room as their own. 

    Behind the Basalt Block is a heavy iron door, it is unlocked.

    The room appears to be covered in various metal grates and switches.

The Western Wall

    In the center of this wall is a small indent about the size of a golf ball. It is meant to hold the ruby from room #27, none of the switches in this room work while it is not inserted.

    Below, on the floor, there is a small pile of Moon Cheese Rocks. Moon Cheese is wet, cold, hard, and overall disgusting. This is one of the reasons why cheese imps crave to conquer this land, for it has delicious cheese.

The Northern Wall

    In the center of this wall, there is a hollow arch. This is where the Moon Portal will appear.

The Southern Wall

    This wall holds all of the main switches for this room. There are two levers, a wheel, a big red button, a little green button, and a knob. This room has not been used in centuries and things are on the verge of a breakdown, every time something is pressed or flipped, it has a 1 in 6 chance to break and be unable to be used again. 

    The First Lever: The first lever locks the door when flipped either direction, cannot unlock it. This lever will be stuck if the door is open

    The Second Lever: The second lever starts down, when it is flipped up, a door in the ceiling opens up, dropping 1d4 airtight suits on the ground.

        Airtight Suits: Wearing these suits gives +1 defense and protects against airborne threats as well as providing its own magical supply of air. They are rendered unusable when the user takes any damage.

    The First Wheel: The first wheel controls the air in the room, it is currently turned all the way to the left, turning it to the right begins to drain the air out of the room.

    The Big Red Button: This opens the Moon Portal. Resolve Below

• If the air is not drained: Explosive decompression. Roll a strength save or be sucked through the portal, roll a dexterity save for every loose object, or take 1 damage per failure.
• If the door to the hall is unlocked: The door is ripped off and the portal attempts to consume all. There is a 3 in 6 chance that the door blocks the portal entirely and gets stuck there.
• If the occupants are not wearing airtight suits or their suits have been punctured from taking any damage: Lungs collapse and blood boils, For every round exposed take 2 vacuum damage, once this damage exceeds Con roll a save every round or die.
• After everything above is resolved: The Moon Portal is open and the party can travel to Room #25 (The Moon)

    The Little Green Button: This button resets the last thing to be flipped or pressed. Press it multiple times to undo more.

    The Knob: Does Nothing.

The Oil Pumps (Room #26)

    This 30' by 20' rectangular room is mostly dominated by the large pool of boiling hot oil in the center of it, there are 2d10 Cheese Imps here that will shriek and attempt to scare off anyone they see, but will otherwise not leave the room. The door to Room #24 from this room is a huge iron door, heavily barricaded and locked.

The Iron Door

    This heavy iron door is not only barricaded with various pieces of gross rotting furniture and cheese, but it is locked by three thick padlocks barring the handle. The first key is located on a random cheese imp in this room. The second key was dropped by an imp in Room #27, it is now sitting in some of the scalding oil on the edge of the room. The third key is lost, roll 2d20+1d10 to discover its new room location.

The Oil Pool

    This shallow 15' wide pool of boiling oil covers the center of the room. For each round in contact, take 1d4 fire damage. On the floor of the center of this pool (it is about 1' deep in the very center) is a large pipe with a wheel that can be turned to control the flow of oil like so;

• Three turns right: The oil is completely shut off, this disables the trap in room #27
• One turn left: The oil flows more freely, the room #27 trap is much more dangerous, and a shield will only lessen and not prevent injury
• Two turns left: extremely loud creaking noises are audible from the piping
• Three turns left: the oil line bursts from here to room #27, everything in the hallways and rooms from #26 to #27 is temporarily coated in hot oil and takes 2d20 damage immediately, dex save for half

    Obviously, this pump is very important to the imps, they would like to make the oil flow a bit better to their trap but the scalding oil prevents them. Thus, they settle for simply scaring off those who might shut off their trap.

The Imps

    The cheese imps in this room care only about one thing; protecting the pump. Should someone enter, they will do their best to scare them off; screaming, kicking, shrieking, chasing, etc. However, they will not leave this room, save to change their guard shifts (this happens once a day). 

The Golem Workshop (Room #7)

    This room is blocked off from the rest of the dungeon by a pair of heavy iron doors (for all entrances), fading red paint sits above the doors themselves, displaying "Golem Workshop". These doors are not locked however, they do require the strength of three people to open by hand. There is an indent in one of these doors (once for each pair) that allows for the insertion of a golem power core, if this is done then the door opens itself until the core is removed.

    Inside this room, there are many strange machines. The western wall displays three punching stations prominently, the eastern wall contains a large molding machine with various molds scattered on the ground. The northeastern corner contains a very large pile of moon cheese and many buckets of paint. A large safe rests in the southwestern corner.

The Western Wall

    Starting from the southern edge and working up, there are two small boxes, one of metal and one of paper. There are then three punching machines, each labeled respectively; Function, Target, and Location

• The Metal Box opens to a large cheese slicer, impossibly sharp. Sharp enough to slice a block of moon cheese into the proper thickness for a Keese Card
• The Paper Box contains 1d6 presliced, unpainted, and unpunched.
• The first punch station labeled "Function" has three possible punches to select from, each one labeled with a pictogram.
• One punch is labeled with a Sword will cause the golem to aggressively attack whoever the "Target" is
• One punch is labeled with a Shield will cause the golem to passively protect whoever the "Target" is
• The Final Punch for this machine is labeled with a wrench, this punch is used to tell the golem to use utility functions. The wizard normally uses magic to code in the specific utility function, and thus the actual command given will be whatever he used last (roll on the table at the bottom of the room)
• The second punch station, simply labeled "Target" has a single punch with a large funnel on the top of the machine. If someone drops in matter, it will code in their sequence as the target. The punch station is only limited to genetically sequencing human DNA, so any other genetic material dropped in is only tracked by species rather than the person, it can sequence all nonliving matter. If this punch is not used, then the card treats the target as "All"
• The third and final punch station labeled "Location" has a single punch with a keypad attached to the machine, entering a number or series of numbers will restrict the golem to those rooms, if this machine is not used on a keese card, then the golem defaults to following its "Creator". Note that characters wouldn't know the room numbers in character unless they stole the map from the wizard first. 

The Eastern Wall

    The entirety of this wall is taken up by a large machine composed of a cheese melter and a cheese molder. The Cheese Melter appears to be a gigantic furnace, hooked up to a funnel, directly above the molding station. Turning it on simply requires a flip of the large lever on the wall to the left of the machine.

    The Cheese Molder is used to create the golems out of the remaining Moon Cheese supply that the wizard brought back with him. there are a variety of large molds strewn about the room, each one can be put into the machine with ten minutes' effort. It requires a legs, arms, torso, and a head mold, if a golem is made with less or more than this hooked up then the golem will fail to turn on when the appropriate core and keese card is placed inside its head. A list of the possible molds laying around is found below, DM picks one of each limb, and rolls 1d12 four times for the remainder of what's scattered on the ground

    The molded body for a golem will feature a slot in its chest for the keese card and an indent in its neck for the power core. Powering it will close the card slot, if it is on without a card then it simply stands still with no order.

The Northeastern Corner

    This corner contains a pile of Moon Cheese Boulders, enough for 1d4 Full Golems. Underneath the large stack of moon cheese is 1d6 Golem Power Cores, only 1d2 of which are properly charged.

    Also over here are buckets of paint, including; white, black, red, blue, yellow, orange, green, purple, and brown. these were used for the various keesecards and golems around the dungeon.

The Southwestern Corner

    This corner contains a large locked safe. Using sheer strength alone it would take around 1d6 days to pummel this open without any special equipment. Magically it would take a 4 [dice] knock spell or a fireball spell to open it. Contained within is a single, highly magical, keese card and 1d6 Golem Power Cores, all of which are properly charged.

    This particular keese card is not meant for a door, but a golem mind. It contains a corrupted soul that the wizard caught for an experiment in making golems more intelligent and sentient. This soul has long since forgotten his old life, his very essence is focused on destroying the wizard now. He does not remember his old name, and both he and the wizard call him the "ArchnemeSwiss". He is of average human intelligence but does not care about anything except his revenge. He may ally with the players or attack the players depending on their relationship with the wizard. He can communicate telepathically, even when just in his card form, and will attempt to get the characters to put him into a golem body so that he may do even more.

A Note on Keese Cards and Power Cores

    All Power Cores that are properly charged can not only keep golems running for a long time, but they can be depleted in one burst of magical energy in order to provide an additional {Dice} to a spell. For every Power Core used, add an additional "Instability" die to the spell as well, this die functions for the purposes of Dooms and Mishaps, but not the power of the spell. This is in order to represent the inherent instability of the magic inside these cores.

    All Keese Cards, including the ones that unlock doors, function as golem control cards. This means that the door keese cards can theoretically be counterfeited if the players gain access to this room and the knowledge of what settings created what cards. See below for the true settings for the Door Cards. (Assuming the players attempt to counterfeit them or use the originals in a golem.)

    Repunching a keese card irreversibly corrupts it.

• White - Sword, All, Creator
• Black - Utility (Haul), Wizard, Room #6
• Red - Utility (Any), All, Room #3
• Blue - Shield, Goblin, Room #18
• Yellow - Utility (Any), All, Room #10
• Orange - Sword, Rat. Creator
• Purple - Sword, Dragon, Creator
• Green - Shield, Gold, Creator

What was the Wizard's last Utility Program? (1d6)

1. Haul, the golem will pick up the target and move them randomly about the dungeon.
2. Clean, the golem will relentlessly clean the target
3. Companionship, the golem will immediately return to the dining room (room #10) and begin pretending to eat (read as shoving cheese into its face and making a mess)
4. Corrupted Program: golem gains mock sentience as a wild beast, cannot speak, will immediately try to escape the dungeon.
5. Dig, the golem will dig out new dungeon space wherever the target commands it to
6. Worker Bot, the golem will be of a random job position listed in room #2 and #17

What Golem Molds are laying around? (1d12)

1. Caterpillar Tracks (Legs), golem moves at half speed but can ignore difficult terrain
2. Fins (Legs), the golem cannot move on land but can move at full speed in liquids
3. Spider (Legs), the golem can walk on walls and other vertical surfaces at half speed, twice as creepy looking.
4. Normal (Legs)
5. Drill (Arms), the golem can no longer pick stuff up but has a drill attack that does 1d10 damage
6. Cannon (Arms), the golem can no longer pick stuff up but can fire a cheese wheel cannon (determine randomly from room #18), must be reloaded manually as the golem cannot do so.
7. CheeseWeb (Arms) can fire a cheese web of melted moon cheese to restrain foes or grab items from afar, causes everything it touches to get super sticky and gross.
8. Shield (Arms), the golem can use its action to protect nearby creatures, redirecting any attack at them to itself.
9. Normal (Arms)
10. Hollow (Chest), has a hollow space to be filled up with various things such as loot or explosive cheese wheels, has -1 HD.
11. Normal (Chest)
12. Normal (Head)

The Goblin Gourmet (Room #9)

    This 30'x30' space is impeccably clean, despite the filth in every other part of the dungeon. Shiny marble countertops create a waist-high maze around the entire room, ovens and sinks dot the room with pipes weaving to and fro connecting heat and water alike. Two heavy-duty cabinets sit in the back along the northern wall. This room always contains 2d6 goblins of one of the two clans, they are non-hostile at first but will be very protective of the items contained within this room, as well as keeping it extremely clean. Even so much as dragging mud on the floor may draw their ire.

The Cabinets

    The two cabinets in the back are locked with thick iron padlocks, the keys to which are held by the goblin guards that stand in this room.

    The first cabinet contains a great many high-quality cooking utensils, such as;

• One Extremely Sharp Cleaver (As +1 Sword)
• One Extremely Strong Pan (As +1 Shield)
• 1d20 Shiny Knives (Worth 1 Silver each)
• 1d6 Plates of Fine China (Worth 1 Gold each intact, but very fragile and worthless if broken)
• One Goblin Recipe Book, filled with strange garbled text that no one can understand (Including the goblins). Rumored to contain rare and fantastical recipes created by The One True Chef, Goblin Ramesses The Twenty-Eighth, of the Country Basil, it has since been sullied, but could possibly be salvageable with the right Restoration Techniques.

    The second cabinet opens up into a small walk-in freezer containing;

• 1d10 Magic Sausage Links (Restore 1 HP when eaten)
• 1 Bottle of Mage Wine (Restores 1 MD per gulp, starts with 1d6 gulps remaining inside)
• 1d20 Chunks of Various Cheeses (All delicious, but nonmagical, valuable to the right people)
• Careful inspection of the bottom of this cabinet reveals a small box inset into the floor, containing a captured Ice Sprite, that functions much like the Fire Sprite talked about below

The Appliances

    Scattered in between the various countertops, the occasional oven and sink appear. All of which are readily functional and seem to have no bottom to their energy. 

    Following the pipes from the ovens will lead to a small box, inset in the floor of the northwest corner. This box is well secured and will take quite a while to break into (1 hour of average bashing). It contains a captured Fire Sprite, it will provide a constant source of mundane heat as its owner wishes. It can also purge all of its energy at once, as a fireball, killing itself. It must follow the owner's commands, though it will likely hate them. Setting it free will make it friendly.

    Following the pipes from the sinks will lead to another small box inset in the floor of the southwest corner. This box contains a captured Water Sprite, it functions much the same as the Fire Sprite above.

The Goblins

    Once a month, the two goblin clans put aside their differences and send their best chefs to this kitchen to work together to create a feast. This feast is used to placate the wizard (and hopefully keep him from eating them).

    The ingredients in the cabinet are given to them by the wizard, once a month. If the ingredients or the utensils are lost, then the goblins will be unable to cook their meal (and will face the wrath of the wizard). Needless to say, looting this room will paint a very big target on the looters' backs for the goblins. 

    In order to hopefully prevent theft, the goblin clans send a squad of goblin guards that rotates every day. Each patrol will only contain goblins of one clan and the clans' alternate their responsibility. The theft will not only increase tensions between the wizard and the goblins but could possibly start a goblin civil war if the other clan believes the guarding clan to have been at fault.

Bonus: 1d10 Dungeon Graffiti

(Feel free to scramble the spelling, the dungeon dwellers are not known for their literacy.)

1. Do you brie-lieve in magic?
2. Béchamel stole my cheese!
3. T̵͜͝h̡͢͏͜e͢͠͞͠ ̴̡̢̧C͟͞͏h̴҉҉e͜҉ę̸̨̨͢s̨̡̕e̶̢͘͢ ҉̴́͜i̡͞s͏͏ ̨͘͟͞A̕l̴̷̸̢̀i͠͞҉v̵̷̵̢ȩ̵
4. I hear the wizard read "50 Shades of Gruyere"
5. Soft cheese? More like... uhhh, bad cheese.
6. Hard cheese is for lards!
7. Friendly Reminder: DO NOT SOIL THE MILK!
8. Beware the Halloumi!
9. S͏k̨͝ḩ̴́'͏̶M̢o͏͞҉̀ŗ̷͜z͡͏̛ą̵̧͠ ̶̵̢̛̕H̵́͞͡u͠͡n̸̸͘͢͝g̶̀è͢͠͠ŗ͡s̴͡
10. Do Not Trust The Imps.

GretchHeist: A MiniGLOG Hack

    A rustling in the trash bin. A squeak underneath your floorboards. Those sounds that you hear at night but pretend that you don't. We all hear them.

    These are Gretchlings. Filthy little creatures that like to eat others' garbage and vomit on your floor. They are wicked smart (sometimes). They are extremely deadly (rarely). Worst of all, they make all that godawful racket while you sleep (always).

(Also, they transform into small vermin when anyone's watching because we they like to be anonymous)

You and your friends are Gretchlings. Transform into an animal and wreak your Havoc.

     Spurred forward by the glorious OSR Discord, I have created this Minihack of the GLOG. If you couldn't tell, it's a small GLOGhack about being vermin and making chaos, hopefully perfect for one-shots and improv sessions

Mechanics

Stats are 3d6 down the line. Your Class (Same as Race) gives you a free bonus on their relevant attribute(s), you may also forgo this bonus in order to swap two numbers between your stats. 

Move: Used for moving quickly, climbing nimbly, and dodging knives and gunfire.

Think: Used for being smart, using human thingamajigs, and guessing what that stranger is doing.

Force: Used for biting fingers really hard, pushing stuff around, and scaring children.

If any of your stats reach zero temporarily, you pass out until they recover.

If any of your stats reach zero permanently, you die.

Rolls are resolved by rolling a d20 and getting equal to or under the relevant stat.

As always, only roll when failure and success are both interesting and equally likely.

XP is counted in human snacks eaten, a snack for these purposes is a single candy bar, a bag of chips, or equivalent, it doesn't count if it is healthy or needs to be cooked. You're a bunch of filthy animals, eat until you get stuffed.

After leveling up to 5th level, you win the game (and immediately die from eating too much, human snacks are poisonous to you).

If no one can do this by the time the sun rises, everyone loses.

Level 1: Start

Level 2: Eat 1 snack

Level 3: Eat 9 more snacks

Level 4: Eat 15 more snacks

Level 5: Eat 25 more snacks (and then promptly die.)

Combat is dangerous and deadly for characters (and hopefully comical for players). If a character can get the jump on an enemy and feasibly hurt (or scare the fuck out of) them, they roll a relevant check and immediately do so on a success. If they fail, an enemy gets to attempt to do the same. this continues, all of the characters taking turns, alternating between ally and enemy. The combat is over when one side has successfully retreated, hidden, or died in a horrible way. Some enemies have special defenses (can take extra wounds, resistant to scaring, etc).

Successful attacks on enemies are usually mere scratches or bites, not immediately life-threatening and allow the enemy to flee (it usually will). Some things cause Grievous injuries, like gunshots, car accidents, dropping heavy objects off of shelves. These attacks will immediately kill, subdue, or otherwise incapacitate those who are affected.

If a character gets hit by an attack, roll a d6 on relevant the Death and Dismemberment table below. 

If a result specifies more than one attribute, the player picks which one takes the damage.

If you die. the party can spend an hour searching through various trashcans and sewer drains to recruit a new gretchling.

Gun

1. Miraculously Missed.
2. Limb Destroyed. Lose 1d8 of max Move/Force permanently
3. Bleeding Horribly. Die in 1d4 minutes. automatically pass all reasonable rolls and gain the ability to attempt mildly unreasonable ones.
4. Splattered. Immediately die as you splatter the area in your gore.
5. Splattered. Immediately die as you splatter the area in your gore.
6. Splattered. Immediately die as you splatter the area in your gore.

Blunt Force Trauma

1. Miraculously Missed
2. Stunned. Lose 1d4 of max Think/Move for 1d4 minutes
3. Stunned Hard. Lose 1d8 of max Think/Move for 1d4 hours
4. Brain Scrambled. Lose 1d8 of max Think/Move permanently
5. Thrown Across Room, Roll Move or Splatter
6. Splattered. Immediately die as you splatter the area in your gore.

Poison

1. Miraculously Immune
2. Nauseous. Spend 1d4 minutes puking, lose 1d4 snacks, you can regain them if you re-eat.
3. Weakened. Lose 1d4 of Move/Force for 1d4 minutes
4. Crippled. Lose 1d4 of Move/Force permanently
5. Dead. The next human to see you is violently disgusted.
6. Dead. The next human to see you is violently disgusted.

Classes

Really Scary Badger

+1 Force and Move

1: Charge, Thick Hide

2: Destroy Furnishing

3: Reign of Terror

4: Complete and Utter Lack of Caring Achieved.

    Charge: You are a master at charging headlong into danger. If you charge before attacking, you automatically succeed in the attack roll.

    Thick Hide: Once per hour you can ignore rolls on the Death Table

    Destroy Furnishing: You really hate human furniture. You can spend ten minutes to destroy a piece of human furniture like a chair, table, or part of a door. This is extremely loud and demoralizing for humans.

    Reign of Terror: Every time you land a Grievous Injury on someone, you can immediately make another attack.

    Complete and Utter Lack of Caring Achieved: If you would be Splattered, you instead lose 1d6 of a random stat.

Really Sneaky Rat

+1 Move and Think

1: Play Dead, Rat Hole

2: Sewer Rat

3: Strange Voice

4: Rat With a Gun

    Play Dead: You can pretend to be dead anytime a human sees you, they will probably scream and go to get someone, maybe. It'll definitely give you a minute or two to get away. This only works on someone once.

    Rat Hole: You are very good at finding passages through rooms. Once per hour you can declare that you found a mousehole to the next room over, assuming it isn't especially protected (walk-in freezers, bank vaults, etc)

    Sewer Rat: You no longer need to breathe.

    Strange Voice: You can kind of speak English. it sounds awful and disturbing, like someone trying to speak while being strangled. You can also throw your voice up to 10 feet.

    Rat With a Gun: You've cobbled together some kind of strange gadget that can throw small bits of junk using rubber bands and twigs. Once per hour you can make a Grievous attack. It automatically hits if your target is unaware of you. This is completely silent.

Really Bad Dog

+1 Think and Force

1: Double Agent, Super Smeller

2: Tail Wag

3: Loud Bark

4: Cutest Dog in the Entire Universe

    Double Agent: Humans who see you are automatically friendly to you until given any reason not to be. They might leave their house to pet you for a little bit, but probably won't let you in without a Think Roll.

    Super Smeller: You have a strong nose and can automatically detect delicious snacks within 30 feet of you. You can use this through walls but it will only ever tell you which rooms are hiding them and how many.

    Tail Wag: Once per hour, anytime a human catches you doing something really bad (like stealing their car keys or eating all their prescriptions), you can wag your tail. They'll think you're cute or something and just take you outside, and let you go scotfree.

    Loud Bark: Your barks are now supernaturally loud. They shatter glass and similar.

    Cutest Dog in the Universe: Tail Wag no longer has a cooldown, Humans are irresistibly attracted to pet you and you can indefinitely distract them with this. 

 

Really Angry Goose

+2 Force

1: Peck, Flight

2: Hiss

3: Long Neck

4: Spawn of the Devil

    Peck: Your peck is a weapon in and of itself. No longer will you have to hide from those pesky humans. You can automatically succeed a bite once per hour.

    Flight: You can clumsily fly for up to 5'. Remotely quick or dexterous movements probably require a Move roll.

    Hiss: Once per hour, you can make a hiss like some kind of disgusting demonspawn and immediately frighten someone.

    Long Neck: You had a long neck, but now you have a really long neck. You can extend and retract it up to a maximum of ten feet at will.

    Spawn of the Devil: Your Peck now causes Grievous Injuries

Really Sly Cat

+2 Move

1: Liquid, Curious Claws

2: Jump

3: Nine Cursed Lives

4: Slink Away

    Liquid: As all Gretchlings know, cats are liquid. If you can fit your small cat head through it, the rest of your body is sure to follow. Roll Move to fit under extremely tight spots such as underneath bedroom doors or between barred windows

    Curious Claws: You are extremely dexterous with your claws. You can use them to manipulate basic human instruments such as; guns, buttons, and unlocked door handles.

    Jump: You have a truly big jump. travel up to 10 feet without a move roll and up to 15 feet with a move roll.

    Nine Cursed Lives: You automatically ignore the results of the next nine death rolls, but the tenth one will kill you.

    Slink Away: At any point, you can slink off-screen. You can't affect anything from this state but nothing can affect you. At any point, later on, you can slink back on screen to anywhere that the party can see, even if there is no plausible way for you to reach there normally. You can do this once per hour.

Really Smart Mole

+2 Think

1: Burrowing, Security Analysis

2: Engineering

3: Security Bypass

4: Steel Claws

    Burrowing: You can use your claws to dig tunnels in the dirt. This takes a minute per foot and only works in looser substances like gravel, soil, and sand; it does not work on concrete, wood, or drywall 

    Security Analysis: By investigating a room for 15 minutes, you can figure out where all the major security systems (i.e. cameras, traps, guards, squeaky floorboards) are. You can also use this to make your own traps (within reason).

    Engineering: You automatically know what human thingamajigs are and how to use them. Note that this doesn't give you any actual way to use them (figure that out yourself).

    Security Bypass: As long as you have access to the electronic wiring of something, you can broadly control it. Turn it on, turn it off, etc.

    Steel Claws: Your claws are now strong enough to burrow through loose substances at a rate of one foot per second and can now penetrate any materials softer than steel at a rate of one foot per minute.

DM Stuff

Sample Enemies:

Evil Little Boy

Think: 5

Move: 10

Force: 15

Special: Attacks with a bb gun. Terrorizes the Neighborhood. Easily Scared.

Innocent Little Girl

Think: 10

Move: 15

Force: 5

Special: Does not attack. Will scream as loud as possible if she sights an animal. Runs really fast

Dad With a Gun

Think: 10

Move: 10

Force: 15

Special: If unsurprised, he attacks with a shotgun that can hit up to two animals if they are close. Resistant to frightening (animals have to be really terrifying to scare him)

Random Encounters (d10):

1. You spot a snack in a precarious position. 
2. Ancestral enemy, such as a dogcatcher, prissy mouse, or vole. Counts as 2 snacks if you humiliate them. 
3. Friendly neighborhood gretchling with advice and an inaccurate worldview 
4. Human burglars 
5. Exterminator-planted booby trap. 1d4. 1. Cage 2. Gas Trap 3. Sharp Hole of Pain 4. Mousetrap
6. Find a treasure map (Advertisement for convenience store)
7. Find a strange needle. Pricking yourself on it grants +5 to all stats for 30 minutes before you promptly die
8. Mysterious Hole
9. A human is walking an enslaved Gretchling, Count as 2 snacks if you free them
10. A human leaves their iron monster (car) on and unattended.

What Kind of Night is This (Difficulty)?

1. Polar Winter, 12-24 Hours (Should be Easy)
2. Normal Neighborhood, 8 Hours (Normal)
3. Polar Summer, 6-1 Hour (Very Hard)

Random Low-Security Targets (d6):

1. Suburban Home
2. Grocery Store Dumpster
3. Rival Gretchling's Hideaway
4. Campsite
5. Food Truck
6. Local Dungeons and Dragons Club

Random Low-Level Security Measures (d6):

1. Guard Dog (Small, only Barks)
2. Creaky Floorboards
3. Lots of Locks
4. Resident Serial Killer
5. Lasers (That set off alarms)
6. Simple Rodent Traps

Random High-Security Targets (d6):

1. Food Bank
2. Grocery Store/MiniMart
3. Doomsday Prepper's Bunker
4. Fast Food Place
5. Landfill
6. Rich Manion

Random High-Level Security Measures (d6):

1. Guard Tiger/Big Dog (Bites Hard)
2. Pressure Plate Traps
3. Every. Single. Thing. Is. Locked.
4. Resident Supernatural Serial Killer
5. Lasers (That Kill)
6. Elaborate Rodent Traps

Masochistic Statistician Class, Aka The Mathochist

 It's late, I don't know what I'm writing. Here it is.

    Mathochist

Mathochist - Gain +1 HP per level.

Starting Equipment: Black stone tablet, Knife, Fetish for pain. 

A| Mathematize Wounds A| Calculated Collector

B| Boiling Blood 

C| Mathematize Entrails

D|Major Prophecy 

Mathematize Wounds - The Fibonacci sequence is everywhere and you've learned to utilize it. You not only welcome pain, but you also use it to your advantage. Whenever you take damage, write the damage value down, filling a table with entries. Roll d6 at any time to clear the table.

    If you hit an entry, you get the following effects based on the total number of unique entries:

1-2: you get to affect a skill roll to any value in the future 

3-4: you get to affect a damage roll to any value in the future 

5-6: you get to affect a d20 roll to any value in the future 

7-10: you get to affect a magic die roll to any value in the future 

11+: you get to affect any roll of any sort, to any value, in the future. 

If you hit an "empty entry", nothing happens.

Calculated Collector - You enjoy finding things and sticking them in your mouth, you also can calculate the immense probabilities of whether you'll need it later. Once per session, you can pull out a mundane item just small enough to fit in your mouth and say "I foresaw that we would need this".

Boiling Blood - When you are hit and the damage is not a damage value already on your table, you can cause your spattering blood to burn with divine energy dealing as much damage as filled entries on your d6 table to everyone within melee range that you deem an enemy. This clears the table. You can also inflict a negligible wound on yourself (1 point of damage) to trigger this on your turn. 

Mathematize Entrails: Your understanding of the Fibonacci sequence and your own entrails has improved. Whilst not locked in combat, present a one-sentence statement on what might happen within the next week. The Game Master will give you a percentile probability of how likely it is to occur. The GM will also tell you one action you can take that will raise or lower its probability substantially. (Your discretion as to whether you'd like lower or higher). You can use this ability once per week.

Major Prophecy - state a true but pacifist thing that will happen. It must take months and you must work towards it, but it will happen if plausible. You can only have one such prophecy effective at a time. Cannot be used to "predict" victories in the field of violence.

Designer Note 1: This may have been built out of suggestions to revise my Blood Oracle, but I wanted to playtest the original at least a little bit before I scrap/revise the whole thing. Thanks to Jojiro and Baal for the help

Designer Note 2: I just reread all the flavor text I wrote. Why did I write this? This is awful.

G75 Challenge: Week One of Zorn

     For anyone unfamiliar, the Gygax 75 challenge is a free zine based on an article that the titular person wrote in 1975. The original article encapsulates how to best get your own tabletop campaign setting off the ground and the zine presents a guideline and challenge to get it done within five weeks.

    I decided it'd be pretty awesome to do this for Zorn.

Week One

Pitch Points:

• A Mysterious Island has appeared, in the middle of the Atlantic ocean. It’s rumored to be covered in new and wondrous plants and animals, and some even claim that there are ancient civilizations and evil cults that reside here too, This island’s name is “Zorn”, after the German word for “Wrath”, the only guaranteed thing an adventurer is sure to find there.

• The year is 1936, World War 2 is about to start and tensions are rising. Various World powers are sending and funding private expeditions into the wilderness of Zorn.

• Survive the harsh elements, thick jungles, scorching deserts, snowy mountains, and deep caves; this is uncharted land, far from civilization, and surviving here will be harsh.

• Discover ancient, twisted magic in forgotten ruins; Strange ruins have been unearthed on this new continent, and even stranger relics and books have been found and studied from within these ruins. Rumors have been circulating that the scholars closest to these projects have been gaining strange supernatural abilities. Though powerful, these abilities come at a cost, insanity, curses, and mutations abound those who do not take heed.

• Hunt monsters with WW2 era firearms and whatever else you can get your dirty paws on for exotic reasons. Gain mutations from their flesh, upgrade your armor with their bone, fuel your magic with their very soul.

• Gain a variety of mutations from this bizarre land, eat strange monster flesh to benefit from their abilities (or be cursed with their afflictions), use horrible magics to twist your form in ways it was never meant to. Desperately cling to your humanity, or give into otherworldly temptations for cursed power.

Sources of Inspiration:

• Indiana Jones, the classic pulp fiction series, definitely lends some cool vibes with subtle magic, nazi fighting, and hidden temples

• Ultramarine Magmell, a similar concept with some interesting monster/plant ideas

• Toriko, for the concept of eating monsters to get stronger, and some interesting monsters

• Call of Cthulhu, those who delve too deep or study the deep abyssal magicks that reside in Zorn’s many lost ruins may suddenly find themselves insane, mutated, or suddenly outright inhuman. Monsters are deadly and in the face of an unprepared adventurer, unstoppable

Week Four  Week Three  Week Two

Experimenting With Attributes: Playing With Mods and Substats

I like the simplicity of the GLOG. minimal number crunching for almost everything. I can improvise on the fly, as a DM or player. There's still these weird artifacts of substats and odd mechanics. I barely understand how the movement and stealth substats work. So I'm changing them.

New Modifier Table

• 1-3 is a -2
• 4-7 is a -1
• 8-13 is a 0
• 14-17 is a +1
• 18-21 is a +2

And so on, but an 18 is still the maximum for a normal human.

New Modifier Uses and Substats

Strength: Mostly unchanged, added to the damage of melee attacks.
Dexterity: Added to the new Speed stat, subtracted from your AC if wearing medium armor or less.
Charisma: As is, subtracted from your Save stat.
Wisdom: As is, used for your Initiative bonus.
Intelligence: During character creation, gain a number of free skills equal to your modifier. (Min: 0)

Speed: Number of five-foot squares that you can travel in a turn. The default score is five + dex mod

In my opinion, this gives me a much easier to visualize speed comparison than the original "Movement" substat. Stealth is now just a contested roll of Dex/Int vs Wis/Int (Context dependant).

Survival Expanded: Hex Travel and Starvation Points

    Zorn, in my head, is very survival-focused. I want to see characters struggle against the vast untamed wilderness. On the other hand, struggling against bookkeeping is often the pain of survival mechanics; so here's my set of (hopefully simple) GLOG mechanics to drop in for this.

    

    Overland Travel Turns: As mentioned in an earlier post, I divide overland travel into 6 turns a day, as shown below. Each turn takes up roughly four hours. Each action below has DM discretion as to whether it would work in the party's local vicinity. 

    Roll for a Travel Complication every OT turn, but ignore results above 3 if the party is not taking the movement action. If the party is not moving, whoever is actively watching rolls the navigation check. If no one is actively watching, it automatically fails.
    Any OT action (besides resting) taken at night has disadvantage on any checks if done without lighting, or triggers another Travel Complication if done with lighting.

• Dawn (2 AM to 6 AM)
• Morning (6 AM to 10 AM)
• Noon (10 AM to 2 PM)
• Afternoon (2 PM to 6 PM)
• Dusk (6 PM to 10 PM)
• Night (10 PM to 2 AM)

    Movement: It takes one OT turn to move one (six-mile) hex on road (see table below for determining wilderness speed). One character in the party is the navigator and rolls an intelligence or wisdom check (they can use relevant skills as well). Roll a Travel Complication and consult based on the result of the Navigation Check. After everything is resolved, the party is now in the next hex.

• Road: 1 OT per Hex, Ignore Complications above 3
• Forest, Plains: 1 OT per Hex
• Desert, Swamp: 2 OT per Hex
• Mountains: 3 OT per Hex
• Ocean: Boat Dependant

    Travel Complications: Modified Overloaded Encounter Die. Roll 1d6 each time the party moves a hex, and consult the table below. Severity is determined by whether the navigation check is successful. Also roll during every other travel turns, but ignore results above 3, anyone dedicating their time to watch makes the Navigation Check.

1. Encounter
2. Precept (Clue, Spoor, Omen)
3. Locality (Context dependant timer)
4. Exhaustion (Rest or take a penalty)
5. Obstacle (Troubling landscape feature, dangerous ruins, etc)
6. Interesting Feature (a safe place to rest, a strange structure, etc)

    Encounter: Your average wandering monster table roll, perhaps toss in a few rare friendly faces.

        Navigation Success: The party is not surprised, and get a small warning before running into the encounter. They can attempt to bypass it through different checks, fighting, etc.

        Navigation Failure: The party is surprised and unaware of the encounter until it becomes very painfully obvious.

    Precept: Relevant Warnings of what is to come; monster tracks, signs of cult activity, a dropped tool with Nazi insignia, etc.

        Navigation Success: The Party finds the Precept and can make reasonable assumptions on how to avoid or find the source, depending on their goal.

        Navigation Failure: The Party may or may not find the clue, depending on how obvious it is. Assuming it makes sense, the next OT turn is automatically an encounter with the source of this Precept.

    Locality: This should be used for timing various things in the area. In the context of Zorn for example; an evil cult's progression on a ritual, a rival adventuring party's progress on looting, POWs dying in a camp somewhere, etc. In more generic terms, it may mean a friendly encounter on a road or a sudden change in weather.

        Navigation Success: Assuming it makes sense, the party is aware of the progression through things like distant noises or other reasonable signs

        Navigation Failure: The Party is left unaware of the change until it becomes very painfully obvious.

    Exhaustion: Something has happened to exhaust, injure, or otherwise hinder the party; traps, accidents, eating funny plants, etc.

        Navigation Success: The Hazard is reasonably avoided through the Navigator's quick thinking.

        Navigation Failure: The Hazard has been triggered, resolve and roll a flat d12 check on a Death and Dismemberment Table, this injury applies to one random party member until the next short rest.

    Obstacle: Some part of the nearby terrain could block the party's path; cliffs, chasms, mountains, guard posts, patches of poisonous plants, etc

        Navigation Success: The Party is made aware of the obstacle but also discover an alternate path around it or at least a way to mitigate its trouble.

        Navigation Failure: The Party is unaware of the Obstacle until it becomes very painfully obvious. If they cannot find a way through, spend another OT turn to try and find a way around it. They cannot move forward until this is resolved.

    Interesting Feature: Interesting things around; safe resting spots, strange holes in the ground, a hidden box of supplies, a weird fruit tree, etc.

        Navigation Success: The Party is at least somewhat aware of the feature.

        Navigation Failure: The Party is unaware of the feature until it becomes very painfully obvious.

Foraging: Foraging for food takes 1 OT Turn, everyone participating rolls an intelligence or wisdom check and each success gains 1d4 rations.


Starvation: Proper Rest and Survival requires food. Every day that a character goes without eating at least one ration, takes a starvation point. Each starvation point adds a cumulative +1 penalty to all rolls. Anyone with 18 or more starvation points starves to death. Recover from one Starvation point a day if given adequate food. (Not sure if I should make it require rest as well, but I'll figure that out when I test.)


Dehydration: In most cases, water should be hand-waved. It's not very often that you literally cannot find or bring any water throughout a whole day. However, in cases where it does (like deserts), Foraging for water is another OT Turn, water counts as a separate form of rations. Going without water for a day gives a character 5 starvation points.

    Rest: Resting is very important. A short rest takes one OT turn and functions as a large lunch, eat one ration, and regain 1d6+level HP. A long rest takes two OT turns and functions as a good night's sleep. If the weather or sleeping conditions are particularly bad, the party may need to build a small shelter.

    Building Shelter: Building a makeshift shelter requires everyone involved to make a check. (The type doesn't particularly matter as long as the player makes a compelling argument), as long as the majority succeeds then a small makeshift shelter is built. This is enough to at least take one long rest in bad weather but isn't very solid or defensible. Building something stronger takes downtime and money.